So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
