Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
