I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
