I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
