Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
