I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
