I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
