I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
is that a dick in a sweater?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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