dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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