Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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