things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Randomize
