He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
