He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
