i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
