I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
