you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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