The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
