dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
