just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
