One girl and one boy is just not enough.
operation have a gay friend backfired
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just invented taco cereal.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
