Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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