508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
