I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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