He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
