I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
