well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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