just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
