FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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