I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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