wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
