Is it normal to miss your booty call?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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