Whatcha textin bout Willis?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
