just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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