oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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