and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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