just tell him i said nine months
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
