So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
