first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
