some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
