I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
