Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
