went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
