He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
