I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
