Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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