This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
