He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
