I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
