my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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