Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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