I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
