FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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