But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
