At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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