Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
