I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
