I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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