You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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