I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
