Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
