Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
