Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
