Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
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Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
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You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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