I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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