apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
