he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
