mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
where am i from again
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
