Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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