Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
