when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
