Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
