It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
