I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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