I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
