I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I have fence marks all over my body
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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