____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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