My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
