I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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