He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
