cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
