I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
