At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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