I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
