matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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